Why do we implicitly trust some people, while we’re skeptical of others?
It can feel like a mysterious, almost magical force. But trust isn’t magic. It’s a structure. And if you want to build a structure that can hold the weight of a real human connection—whether with a customer, a colleague, or your own child—it needs to be stable.
Imagine a simple, sturdy, three-legged stool.
For that stool to be useful, for it to hold you up without a second thought, all three legs must be present and equally strong. If one leg is too short, wobbly, or missing entirely, the stool is worse than useless—it’s dangerous. It will collapse and betray anyone who tries to rely on it.
So it is with trust.
The trust we place in others rests on a “three-legged stool,” and each leg answers a crucial, subconscious question we have about that person or brand.
- The Leg of Competence asks: “Can you?”
This is about raw skill. Can you actually deliver the result you promise? - The Leg of Character asks: “Will you?”
This is about integrity. Will you do what is right, even when it’s difficult? - The Leg of Consistency asks: “Always?”
This is about reliability. Can I count on your competence and character over time?
Think of a chef. Their character might be wonderful (they’re kind and honest), and they may be incredibly consistent (opening their restaurant on time every day). But if they are incompetent—if they simply cannot cook—none of it matters. The stool collapses. The food is terrible, and you will never trust that restaurant again.
True, unshakable trust only exists when all three legs are firmly in place. They are distinct, but inseparable. Take one away, and the entire structure of the relationship falls apart.
This simple metaphor is a powerful diagnostic tool. When trust is broken or failing to form, it’s almost always because one of these three legs is weak or missing. In our next post, we’ll take a deep dive into each leg, exploring how to build and strengthen them to make your own “stool of trust” unshakably solid.